I know pain has really taken over when it hurts me to drive my car. I have had big commutes the past few days (actually every day since Thursday) and driving, in and of itself, is really taking a toll on my body. My hands ache bad the whole time I drive, just holding the wheel to steer on the highway is murderous. The mere existence of traffic and the stress it creates exacerbates the pain I am trying to ignore in the first place.
So my purpose in writing about all this is not to fill the space with excessive complaints; I want to tell the story so someone might be able to say “yes, you said it, finally someone I can relate to!” And I want to write also to get the pain demons out of me. If I hold them in, if I keep quiet about them, they seem to win on most days. And as they sit inside and fester, the pain dose get worse. If I push them out of me onto the page, then they cannot have the same power over my day.
Now I am not kidding myself into thinking that writing will make the pain go away completely, but whatever helps helps! Last night what I needed most was just my husband right by me. Nothing could touch the pain, not extra pain killers not Advil. But he got on the couch by me, and we snuggled up together, and it really calmed the pain demons. It was gone enough that my pre-sleep minutes were not spent in intense focus on the pain. He has no idea how he helps sometimes, hmm…that is obviously my fault. I need to tell him about it tonight.